I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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