Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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