you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
