So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize