she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
