He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
