Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
