seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
