It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
