so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Blood and glitter go together right?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
