I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
