I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
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