I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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