I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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