How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
