this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
