dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
