if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
