bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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