weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
