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I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
