Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
