thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
