He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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