kristin has been a bad kristin
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
