so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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