Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
