she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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