if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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