I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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