haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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