Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
