vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
