I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We are all done wearing pants today
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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