things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
