six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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