Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
