i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Someone signed my nipple.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
