You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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