Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
