So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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