So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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