Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
