Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
