Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
