I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
