Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
