dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
