Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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