Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
