He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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