dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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