Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my phone needs a breathalizer
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Shame - the story of my life.
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