I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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