Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
