Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
