The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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