my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize