You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
