You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
