I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
