I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
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I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
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Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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