I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
