It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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