You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
