At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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