We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
