dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
