I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
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Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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