I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There's always time for handjobs
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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