we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
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She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
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I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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