Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
