Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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