I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize