was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
