Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
