Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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