remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
