dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
