**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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