I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
