I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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