Is it because I queefed?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
