Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
