They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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