STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
